Three Reasons People Are Afraid to Travel Solo

I remember the day I boarded my first international flight.  I was a nervous wreck headed to the capital of Catalonia on my own.  Adding angst was that fact that I was alone.  In a futile attempt to calm my nerves, I arrived at the airport four hours prior to departure.  Having waited nine years to realize my dream of studying in Spain, turning back wasn't an option.
  

Flag of Spain

The story ends well. Spain reignited my passion for art, history and travel. Ultimately becoming the foundation for this blog.  As a solo travel warrior, I often meet people who wish they could do the same. When asked what keeps them from traveling alone, they begin to rattle off reasons why they're afraid to travel solo.   

"I'm afraid of not having someone to talk to."

When it comes to solo travel fears, I've heard them all.  But, this one holds the top spot on the solo travel fear list.  What surprises me the most is that it always comes from a seemingly outgoing person. The type of person who enters a room and by the time they leave, everyone knows their name.  It boggles my mind that this person lacks the self confidence to travel solo.  It's almost as if they don't trust themselves to meet people while traveling.  An effective way to test the solo travel waters and ensure tons of enlightening conversation is with a volunteer vacation.  I've experienced two amazing volunteer vacations; as a Hurricane Disaster Relief Agent here in the States and as an English Language Assistant in Spain.  With both, my days were filled to the brim with amazing encounters, all the while feeling as though I'd made an impact on someone's life. One might find it hard to believe that I'm extremely reserved and have to work at being outgoing.  If I can step off an airplane not knowing a soul and walk away with lifelong friends, anyone can.

Volunteering as an English Language Assistant in La Alberca

"I'm afraid of feeling lonely."

Loneliness is a part of life.  Nothing changes your perspective on loneliness like being in a room full of familiar faces and still feeling alone.  Better to be lonely walking along the Champs Elysées than posted up at a club full of frisky men who keep "accidentally" brushing up against you.  There is, however, a cure for loneliness while traveling. It's called a bike tour, food tour, or walking tour. Tours are a simple, yet entertaining way to meet others. I prefer walking tours because they tend to be less expensive and often times have a "pay what you feel" rate. Whatever your vice, there is a tour that caters to it.  Go ahead...book a tour, or two or three.

Free walking tour in Madrid

"I'm afraid of what people will think."

I've met countless people who go solo, but don't want others know.  Whether it's a concert in the park or dinner at their favorite restaurant, they are no strangers to going at it alone. Sadly, they're ashamed of their own tenacity.  Caring more about what others think than their own happiness.  Let's face it. We live in a society of labels.  Not the kind stitched inside the garments of your favorite designer.  But those unwarranted labels that we place on others because it makes us feel comfortable with unfulfilled areas of our own lives.  People love to label solo travelers. As you embark on your solo travels, you will experience labeling and name calling.  I've been called crazy, different, and independent. Over the years, I've learned to let these labels cascade down my shoulders as if they were a new silk pashmina scarf.  I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel ashamed for having the audacity to travel solo. For I know that beneath the surface of all the name calling is an individual secretly wishing they had an ounce of the courage that I do.

Standing tall at Los Cuatro Postes in Ávila.

Do any of these fears ring true for you?  If so, I'd love to hear from you.  

Start Small: The Road to Becoming a Solo Traveler

Start Small.  These words always seem to surface on the topic of solo travel.  The idea is to get those considering solo travel comfortable with shorter, closer to home trips before divinginto an extended adventure.  I get it.  But for me, starting small has a deeper meaning.  My number one SOLA Travel Tip is to have self confidence.  A great way to build self confidence is by allowing yourself to be in situations where you only have yourself to rely on.  Not following?  Keep reading.

Truth be told, I haven’t always been a solo traveler.  I’ve traveled in groups of four and groups of 14.  That’ll convert anyone right?  Surprisingly, my journey to going solo didn’t start with a trip at all.  It started with learning to become comfortable with my own company. I learned the hard way that if I waited on others to do what I wanted to do, I would spend many days at home alone watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona.  It’s a great movie.  But, after my solo trip to Barcelona, I’m happily content knowing that I visited every place in the movie…except Oviedo of course.  

Where did I start?  First, I began going to the movies by myself.  Sound small right?  Well, for someone who had only been to the movies with boyfriends and best friends, it was a big deal.  Guess what I discovered?  Tons of people go to movies alone.  I was behind the times.  I had to step it up a bit.  Since I adore live performances, my next experience was a ticket for one to see Dreamgirls The Musical.  Boy was I glad I didn’t let my fear of going solo keep me from such a powerful performance.  As with traveling solo, hanging out solo requires certain precautions.  When I can, I choose the matinee performance of a musical or play.  If the show is only at night, I park within a block of the venue so that I’m not walking alone for extended periods of time.  This of course means that I pay an astronomical price for parking.  But hey, no amount is too great for safety.

I love music, so it makes sense that a “forced” solo concert experience would be my next challenge.  I do use the term “forced” lightly.  Picture this…The Heart of the City Tour, with Mary J. Blige and Jay-Z live in concert.  Can you believe that my friends expected me to purchase nose bleed seats?  To know me is to know that I don’t do far back, unless the tickets are complimentary.  I have to feel as though I’m a part of the show.  I had a decision to make.  Do I forgo an up close Mary J. experience for the sake of friends?  Or, do I leap into the unknown?  Well, I wanted the $165 seats and a $165 seat is exactly what I got.  This is where it gets awesome.  My entire row was filled with people attending solo just like me.  We rocked it!  Talk about concert karma.  

   

By far, the hardest thing for me to accomplish was having dinner alone.  Not at the restaurant bar.  At a table.  With an empty seat across from me.  I remember all the questions that ran through my mind.  Would it feel awkward?  Were people going to look at me strangely?  The answer to all of those questions is yes.  But, as with anything, the more you do it, the better you become at it.  It was especially important for me to conquer this fear.  How could I even fathom having tapas at a beach side cafe in Barcelona if I couldn’t manage to get through lunch at a bar in Buckhead?  

These small steps helped me to glide gracefully into my first solo trip to New Orleans in 2009.  Nothing beats going where you want, when you want.  I like getting up at the crack of dawn without worrying if I’m waking my friends.  I don’t miss having to vote on where to eat.  I cherish not having to wait on people to get dressed.  Most importantly, I like not having to take anyone else’s needs, wants, and desires into consideration while traveling.  Sound selfish?  I can live with that.  Start small.  Go solo.      

The First Solo Traveler I Ever Met

Newlyweds

It was cold, but the cold part I could handle.  What I couldn’t handle was the wait.  The past five minutes had seemed like five hours.  The metal brushing against my leg, combined with the smell of latex, only added to my anxiety.  Counting backwards from 20 seemed to help me relax.  But the sound of the door opening caused my anxiety to come rushing back. She entered the room.  Fashionable.  Stunning.  That’s her…my Gynecologist.  

On this particular day, her accessories were extra extravagant.  Most fascinating were her shoes with the crimson soles.  “Is she really going to do my pap in THOSE shoes?” I asked myself.  “Go ahead and lay back darling,” she says as she reaches for the latex gloves that had been harassing my nostrils since I entered the examination room.  My foot cramps as she reaches for the lubricant.  I place my feet in the metal stirrups and do as I’m told.

“Have anything exciting planned for the summer?”  She asked.  “Actually, I just returned from a music festival in New Orleans, so the rest of the summer should be pretty low key.  What about you?” I responded.  Unable to contain her excitement, she replied “I’m heading to the Dominican Republic.”  By now, I’ve realized that the casual travel talk is actually taking my mind off the pressure she’s putting on my uterus.  “WOW!  That sounds like an awesome trip.  Will it be just you and your husband?” I asked.  As if I had committed an offense, she replied, “No ma’am.  I’m leaving him at home with the kids.  It’s just me and a stack of novels.  No husband.  No kids.  No friends.”

My annual exam came to a close.  But, I couldn’t help but wonder to myself.  “Why would a beautiful, successful, married mother of two feel the need to travel alone?”  I thought that when people got married, every vacation thereafter was a couple’s trip or a fun family getaway.  As I redressed, it finally hit me.  Those are the people who benefit the most from solo travel.  It’s almost a necessity for them.  They are wives, mothers, daughters, husbands, fathers, and sons who lead very full lives.  Lives full of meetings, little league games, cheerleading practices, doctor’s appointments, school visits, household errands and caring for aging parents.  Who would’ve thought that a married woman could show a single woman the importance of getting away from it all?  That taking time to renew and restore benefits not only you, but those around you.  We are a help to no one when we’re not at our best and stressed.  Many years have passed since that enlightening day.  I’ve since moved on to a new physician, but I’ll forever be grateful for that day.  My Gynecologist was the first solo traveler I ever met.       

Solo in Spain: The Story Behind the Journey

     Two Thousand Three.  It was the year I graduated from college and received my Bachelor of Arts Degree in Spanish.  With two failed attempts to study abroad in Mexico under my belt, I glided across the stage with my degree in one hand and a passport in the other.  As my family and friends cheered me on from the stands, I was certain that the world would be waiting for me to explore it.

     I'd worked for the same corporation nearly half of my life.  What started as a part-time job after high school led to spending money for college and ultimately the financing of this thing called adulthood.  I'd settled into the uncertainty of cube nation.  With each passing day, a restlessness gnawed at me that I now recognize as my intuition begging me not to forget my dreams while paying the bills.

Temple Expiatorio de Sagrat Cor at Tibidabo

     Luckily for me, I 'd opened my big mouth and told more than a few friends about my dream of studying abroad in Spain.  Little did I know, those friends would begin to hold me accountable.  Year after year, I would get questioned about the status of my trip abroad.  My responses went something like “I’m searching for the best schools” or “The flights are too expensive.”  One day, I stopped making excuses and decided to be honest with myself.  I was afraid.  There, I said it.  The person who had been on five solo trips (stateside of course), was now afraid to take it to the next level.  To be quite honest, my dream seemed too big to conquer.  So, I started with what I do best…research!  I researched everything…Spanish schools, housing, banking, vaccinations, wireless service, safety, transportation, hospitals, consulates, restaurants, attractions and airlines most likely to lose my luggage.  Nine years after graduating from college, I decided to blow the dust off my degree and combine my profession as a researcher with my passion for travel. The result was a two week long, intensive study abroad adventure in Barcelona, Spain. 

     As a look back at my collegiate years, I realize that those two attempts at study abroad weren’t failures at all.  They worked in my favor.  I was supposed to study abroad as a business professional, not as a student.  It was destined for me to study in Barcelona and not Guadalajara.  It was meant for me to see the very sites in person that I had been quizzed on in my “La Historia de España” class.  I was supposed to go alone and meet a ton of beautiful, smart, and fun individuals traveling solo just like me.  Had I gone with friends, it would have been a different experience altogether.  I doubt I would have enrolled in school or been as open to meeting new people.  To be quite frank, the entire journey would have been spent translating and naming the ingredients in paella.  Cheers to following my intuition and going solo.  The things I longed for prior to my journey (house, husband, and Louboutin's) were no longer top of mind.  Instead, I had a newfound love for architecture, gelato, and Picasso.  I wasn't bothered that my hair was in a constant state of frizz because I’d rather feel the balmy breeze as I walked along Platja Barceloneta than have perfect hair.  With each passing day, I grew to love the fact that no one looked like me.  My adoration for Spain had been solidified.   In just two weeks, everything had changed.  Singles On Lifelong Adventures was born out of that life changing experience.